My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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