is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
