Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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