turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
