so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
