we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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