Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
