so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
