Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize