I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
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but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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