you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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