Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
