I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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