Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
