2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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