I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
jump out the window naked night went bad
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
