If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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