OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
