Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
