she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
