I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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