I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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