I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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