I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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