I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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