Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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