wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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