WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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