i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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