does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
