Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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