I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
