I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
