That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
