I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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