Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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