and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
