I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Two words: blizzard sex
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
