i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
