the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
