I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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