it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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