Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
