We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
