I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
