He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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