I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
