i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
