I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
