god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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