just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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