Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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