If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
