So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize