is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
