If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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