sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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