I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
