I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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