I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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