we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
