i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
