And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sober January is a disaster.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
