Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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