WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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