Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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