and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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