Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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