How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
