I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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