Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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